Femdom is at its core about a – hopefully loving and nurturing – relationship, and is deeply intertwined with sex. That’s why punishments can also be relational and sexual – and aim at temporarily taking away the relationship and the sex from your slave. When choosing the right punishment in that area, you have to keep in mind that there’s always (at least) two people to a relationship – meaning, that you will also be affected by your own sanction.
In my view, giving my slave some of my time, love or even admiration is a privilege. If things are not going that well, these things can be taken away. Often and sadly enough, this happens rather involuntarily in many deteriorating relationships. What I am describing here though is the explicit, conscious decision to temporarily take away a part of the relationship as punishment for disobedience – all well within the wide and often flexible boundaries of consent.
In this post, I will list some of the punishments I use a lot on my slave.
Withdrawal of affection
It’s simple: if he does not do everything he can to please me, he just cannot have my attention.
One straight-forward way of withdrawing attention is by giving him the silent treatment. Note: This is not the same thing as ghosting, where a person you are seeing/dating just disappears – here we are talking about clearly communicated, consensual punishments.
My little pain slut of a slave actually likes to get punished. So just like in the joke where the masochist says “Hurt me!”, and the sadist replies “No.”, loss of kinky playtime can be a consequence of disobedience. More generally, you can take away time spent with you – be it that lunch date, afternoon tea, or Saturday night out. I’m sure you have some friends who you have neglected lately and would be happy to hang out with you. Let him tidy up the house while you’re out and having fun, I say.
On a sidenote: Sex is supposed to be an activity enjoyed by both parties. Using it as a means of reward or punishment is thus a somewhat double-edged sword, and often found in abusive relationships. I will soon write another post on the distinction between BDSM and abuse, in which I will raise that point in further detail.
You are the one in charge, so you determine how much he can get. A fun (for you) way of playing with that is by engaging in teasing and denial. Wear your shortest skirt, put on your highest heels, move your ass to that music – but don’t allow him to touch you! More generally, this a ground rule you might want to set for you anyway: when is he allowed to touch you? Maybe only when you explicitly allow it?
Reflect on what you did
As mentioned in one of my previous posts, it is important to me that the slave learns and improves. In my post on psychological punishments I told you how I make my slave write essays on his behavior. You also know that I like to lock up my slave in his jail cell a lot. However, this is a form of punishment that depends a lot on me and requires my attention. That’s why I sometimes opt for a measure that seems softer at first (no cuffs, no locks), but is maybe emotional tougher: I make him sit in a room of my choice (the bedroom, the office, just away from me) for a while. Usually (but not always) without entertainment (phone!). This is even harsher if he actually had other plans – maybe meeting his friends or some hobby. It’s BDSM play in a way, just without the kink and sexy steaminess.
By the way, instead of constraining him to an entire room, you could also make him stand in the corner until released.
No playing with yourself either
It almost goes without saying that if my punishment is a withdrawal of affection, then the slave is strictly forbidden from pleasuring himself as well.
As you probably are well aware of by now, my slave spends most of his time in a chastity device, which enforces some rules all on its own. But even without that, you can set some ground rules:
- The slave is not allowed to masturbate.
- The slave must not engange in sexting or dirty talking with the Mistress.
- The slave is allowed to climax only if you explicitly allow or rather order it. On the other hand, you can also control his orgasm by giving him one at your (not his) will.
- No reading erotica (not even this blog) or watching porn.