Am I the only one? How common is BDSM in the general population?

Whenever we think about our sexual fantasies, we tend to quickly doubt ourselves. Am I weird? Am I the only one? However, in a world with 7 billion people and an equal amount of manifestations of sexual desires, the answer is generally: no, you are not.

BDSM might fall in and out of fashion (think of movies like the God-awful Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, the even worse 365 Days, or Rihanna’s awesome song S&M).

But how common exactly is BDSM kink? And what specifically of Femdom?

Well, it is difficult to measure what’s going on in people’s bedrooms and even more so in their minds. However, there have been numerous scientific studies trying to gauge the prevalence of our little hobby.

Studies reporting on the prevalence rates of BDSM interests and practices have yielded somewhat divergent results. One study found that 2.2% of men and 1.3% of women between ages 16–59 years in Australia had engaged in BDSM activity during the previous year. That seems a bit lower, and indeed other studies seem to contradict this result.

On the other end of the spectrum, another study reported a BDSM interest in as much as 46.8% of the general population (asking over one thousand study participants), who have engaged in BDSM-themed activities at least once, although the same study indicated that only 7.6% of the general population self-identified as a BDSM practitioner. In that sample of interviewed people, 12.5% indicated performing at least one BDSM-related activity on a regular basis. 26% stated that they saw themselves interested in BDSM – 61.4% of those with a BDSM interest became aware of it before turning 25 years old. This last statistic means that over a third of all people interested in BDSM only realize it well into their 20s or even later!

Those were numbers of people engaging in BDSM-related activities. But what about the mind? One group of scientists found that 69% (don’t giggle!) of the general population had fantasies about BDSM-related activities. Similarly, another study in Canadian university students showed that 72% of the men and 59% of the women had had fantasies of being tied up, and 65% of the men and 58% of the women had fantasies of tying up a partner. In the same group, 60% of the men and 31% of the women indicated positive thoughts of whipping or spanking someone. Yet another study claims that about half of the general population preferred unequal power dynamics in their sexual relationship.

But why are the numbers so unclear?

I guess that this has mostly to do with definitions and stigma. Just like you get different results when you ask a person “Are you an atheist?” than if you ask them “Do you believe in a god?”, few people will actively identify as sadomasochists, kinksters, BDSMer or whatever you want to call it. However, ask them if they fantasized about or engaged in spanking or the use of handcuffs, and you will get a different picture.

The verdict

All this is good news. People want to play. But it also means that there is a wide spectrum of tastes and activities out there. We have to be careful with trying to label people. Some people base their identity around being into BDSM, others are into it (or into some aspects), but might not even know the word BDSM or show up at sex dungeon parties. As always, communication is key. Talk about their desires, don’t judge them, don’t label them. I will write a post soon on how to bring up BDSM in a vanilla relationship. Be sure to sign up to my email newsletter and not miss a thing.

Sources

• Nele De Neef, Violette Coppens, Wim Huys, Manuel Morrens, Bondage-Discipline, Dominance-Submission and Sadomasochism (BDSM) From an Integrative Biopsychosocial Perspective: A Systematic Review, Sexual Medicine, Volume 7, Issue 2, 2019, Pages 129-144, ISSN 2050-1161, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.esxm.2019.02.002,

Further reading

• L. Holvoet, W. Huys, V. Coppens, et al., Fifty shades of Belgian gray: The prevalence of BDSM-related fantasies and activities in the general population, J Sex Med, 14 (2017), pp. 1152-1159
• J. Richters, A.E. Grulich, R.O. de Visser, et al., Sex in Australia: Autoerotic, esoteric and other sexual practices engaged in by a representative sample of adults, Aust N Z J Public Health, 27 (2003), pp. 180-190
• C.A. Renaud, E. Byers, Exploring the frequency, diversity, and context of university students’ positive and negative sexual cognitions, Can J Hum Sex, 8 (1999), pp. 17-30