To me, Femdom is a way of life, which is why slave and I also live it outside the house. I would be lying if I were to tell you that I walk around town wearing my latex catsuit, holding my collared slave on a leash. Real life doesn’t work that way. Family, vanilla friends, work colleagues, etc. are a thing – not everybody can afford the life of a Femdom porn fantasy.
There are, however, ways how to live the lifestyle in public, without being in everybody’s face and without being confined to fetish parties or BDSM clubs.
Chastity in public
As you know by now, I keep my slave in permanent chastity. That means, there will usually be a small bulge between his legs. Depending on the type of pants he wears, it is more or less obvious. The good news: people won’t know exactly what’s going on there. As far as they’re concerned, it might just be a set of keys or a wallet in the front pocket. Nevertheless, he constantly feels very exposed. Which is fun, at least for me.
If you read my series of posts on the keys to a 24/7 Femdom relationship, I use four keys to keep my slave locked. I like to wear these keys on a necklace. Easy to hide under a shirt (if I ever wear a top that’s not low cut), but also inconspicuous when visible. “Look how romantic, it’s the keys to his heart.”, people might think. LOL, no, not quite….
Wearing a butt plug in public
Another area that is well concealable in public is the butt. There are two options. Make him wear a plug and make it his responsibility that it stays inside, no matter what. This can actually be a way of training his discipline. A small plug can also be easily worn over longer stretches of time and barely inconveniences any activities such as sitting in a restaurant or walking.
The alternative is using a butt plug harness. Advantage and disadvantage are the straps and locks. They are less discrete, but can still be effectively hidden under clothes. The feeling of being seriously strapped and locked is vastly different and more oppressing. The plug and harness will usually be quite uncomfortable to wear, and sitting quite difficult. But then, who cares, am I right?
Wearing a collar in public
This is of course the big classic, the ultimate display of submission: the slave’s collar. Unlike any funny businesses going on in slave’s pants, a leather or metal collar draws a lot of attention. How can you wear it in public without people noticing? Difficult, but if you live in a place with cold seasons, slave could wear a collar and a scarf around it. A bit odd in the summer (and thereby a form of public humiliation in its own right), but perfectly acceptable any other time of the year. Especially since there are lighter scarves that mainly serve as fashion accessories.
The cool thing: unlike the collar, you can take the scarf off and put it back on quickly. That’s why slave and I sometimes walk in public while he is wearing a collar covered by other clothes (not just the scarf, but also a turtleneck sweater or a winter coat), we get more daring once we’ve reached a setting where we are sure that we don’t know anybody. After all, the idea is not to hide the collar in general (on the contrary!), but just to avoid that certain people see it.
Whenever we go to the cinema, for instance, I will usually have him sit with the collar exposed. If the cinema is not too crowded and we are in a discrete enough spot, I might even make him wear a ball gag throughout the whole movie.
What about bars, restaurants and night clubs? This is up to you how comfortable you feel exposing your dynamic. My general impression: there are plenty of places – especially the more “alternative” ones – where nobody really cares about a collar. At the same time, as a Mistress you sometimes might want to demand the public display of submission. That’s something you can experiment with. Maybe take your collared slave to a fancier restaurant, albeit out of town or away from your usual hangouts.
Actually, holidays can be a perfect moment for this. You are in a place where nobody knows you, as long as you don’t do anything illegal, you might just get stared at. For instance, these are perfect places for slave and me to really not give the slightest damn about what others will think:
- Amsterdam
- Berlin
- New York
- London
All these places have vivid subcultures, meaning you can be yourself without anybody caring.
Dominant and submissive behavior in public
Now that we’ve solved what slave wears (and as far as Mistress is concerned, we all know what I like to wear for Femdom play), we have to think about behavior and demeanor. It goes almost without saying that I expect from my slave nothing but the most courteous, chivalrous manners. He will open and hold doors for me, hold the umbrella, pay for whatever needs to be paid, refill my glass of water or wine. He will put his phone away unless I explicitly require him to look up some information.
Maybe to daring for some, but I actually require my slave to speak only when spoken too (I prefer quiet bliss), and – here it comes – all his responses need to start with “Yes, Mistress” or “Yes, my captain”.
It’s a life choice
Slave and I chose this lifestyle. I am the dominant, and his purpose in life is to please me and be mindful of my needs and well-being; I do not care for self-centered losers. I except submissive and worshipping behavior not just in the bedroom, but everywhere. For pragmatic reasons, we sometimes have to tone the dynamic down a notch, but that does not stop us from living the spirit, be it at a work social event or a family gathering.
Make a statement
In this post, I focussed on concealed Femdom in public. If you want to dare a bit more, you can check out my line of clothes. My shirts and tops for female dominants can easily be worn in public. Combine that for instance with a biker jacket, leather leggings or a skirt and you get a dominant, yet sexy look. Slaves can publicly show their willingness to serve by wearing shirts from my slave clothing line. Who know, maybe a Mistress will approach you!